Those Darn Gypsies!

Necro Publications is known for hardcore horror, stuff that makes my own Disposal look like Harold and the Purple Crayon. But in an effort to cater to the mellower "Maybe three decapitations in a book is sufficient" audience, they recently started the Bedlam Press imprint, which is where you'll find Gypsies Stole My Tequila by Adrienne Jones.

This novella is the story of Joe Blood, a former punk rocker who is about to turn forty. This itself is inconvenient enough, but unfortunately, in his young, successful, "chemicals are good" days, he and his two bandmates sort of made a pact that they'd kill themselves when they hit the big 4-0. And there's a demon in Joe's wall calendar that's going to hold him to his vow. This is, I believe, the first work of fiction I've read that includes a demonic talking wall calendar, although I think I'm going to start including them in my own stories from now on.

What I liked most about Gypsies Stole My Tequila is that I never quite knew where the story was headed (in a good way--I've read plenty of books where I wondered "Jeez, is this stupid thing going anywhere?"). There's a lot of humor, and plenty of great characters, especially Joe Blood himself. "Visual" humor isn't easy to pull off in fiction, but the book contains one fight scene in particular and a memorable gross-out that do this extremely well, in addition to all of the colorful and witty dialogue.

This one is well worth reading, even though about 12 years ago the publisher rejected a short story of mine, and I'm only now easing my way out of the slimy-walled pit of resentment.

Check it out at The Horror Mall right here:

http://www.horror-mall.com/GYPSIES-STOLE-MY-TEQUILA-by-Adrienne-Jones-p-16215.html

Exclusive Interview With J.A. Konrath

This afternoon, I had the chance to conduct an exclusive interview with J.A. Konrath, author of the Jack Daniels series (Whiskey Sour, Bloody Mary, Rusty Nail, Dirty Martini, Moonshine Slurped From A Mason Jar, etc.) and my co-author for Suckers. This interview was obtained via hidden tape recorder under false pretenses.

STRAND: Hi, Joe! Thanks so much for doing this interview.

KONRATH: No problem at all. The pleasure is all mine.

STRAND: First question: How much of Suckers did you actually write?

KONRATH: About half.

STRAND: The reason I ask is that I'd write a new chapter and send you back the file, and then you'd send it back to me in, like, fifteen minutes, and the manuscript never really seemed to be changed. So, for example, I'd end with "And then there was a knock at the door!" and when I'd get your part back, it would still end with "And then there was a knock at the door!" and the word count would be the same.

KONRATH: Your confusion is understandable. What you don't realize is that a single word can change the entire impact of a piece of fiction. It's the finishing touches that make a work of art truly great.

STRAND: Right, but I actually printed out both versions of the manuscript one time, and I put the pages on top of each other and held them up to a light, and I really didn't see any difference. Also, remember when I asked you to proofread it before we sent it to Delirium Books and you came back and said that it looked fine? I'd purposely stuck a bunch of typos in there to see if you'd notice. I even threw in three chapters from a completely different book, and the last twenty pages were just the word "hippo" repeated over and over.

KONRATH: I noticed that and found it quaint, but I didn't want to stifle your creativity. At least I came up with the title.

STRAND: No, you wanted to call it J.A. Konrath's Guide to Picking Up Spanky-Bottom Babes.

KONRATH: Yeah, well, whose title would have sold more copies?

STRAND: You wanted the cover to be a picture of you getting ready to spank somebody. I wouldn't have bought a copy of that. I asked around, and a bunch of people said that they wouldn't have ordered it, either.

KONRATH: So what are you trying to say?

STRAND: I just can't help but think that you took half the money and half the credit but didn't actually contribute anything to Suckers.

KONRATH: I see. Well, I'm sorry you feel that way.

[There's a long, uncomfortable pause.]

STRAND: You're a fine writer and a great guy, but in this instance I kind of think that you took advantage of me. That's not what friends do. That's not what you're supposed to be about. Does the inspirational advice on your blog mean nothing to you anymore?

KONRATH: I said I was sorry you felt that way! What do you want me to do, kill myself for being a fraud? Kill myself because my past three novels have been written by ghostwriters that I paid in humiliating ways that didn't involve currency? Fine! I'll just gobble this entire bottle of expired medication! There! Mmmmm! Nummy nummy death!

[J.A. Konrath gradually dies. End of transcript.]


Obviously, this interview turned out to be a rather poor promotional tool, although I expect Joe's tragic death to boost the value of Suckers on the secondary market, if you're into profiting from that kind of thing. If you wish to purchase your own copy, and I know gosh darn well that you do, please visit:

https://www.horror-mall.com/SUCKERS-by-J.A.-Konrath-and-Jeff-Strand-p-17711.html

Droooooooool...

Three of my favorite things:

1. Jelly Bellies
2. Gummi bears
3. Licorice

Today, my wife bought me a bag of Jelly Belly brand black licorice bears. Oooooh yeah!!!

Don't Be A Sucker!!!

Wait a minute...that's the best subject line I could come up with to let you know that SUCKERS is now shipping? How weak. I realize that authors can't hit a home run every time, but that's just lazy. "Don't Be A Sucker." Jeez. I didn't even try to make it plural like the actual book title, maybe something like "Don't Be A Sucker(s)." That would've been kind of funny, because the (s) is awkward and could turn it into a clever satire of lame subject lines for blog posts, rather than simply being a lame subject line for a blog post.

Still, don't take it out on my co-author J.A. Konrath. He's too busy soliciting naked pictures of his fans (oh, sure, he SAYS that it's a contest for creative pictures of fans holding his book, but we know what that pervo really wants) to beg you to support his one chance to hitch his wagon to my star, so do it for him.

Anyway, the book exists and boxes containing it are on their way to households across the world. If you got busy and accidentally forgot to order a copy, you can still do so at...

http://www.horror-mall.com/SUCKERS-by-J.A.-Konrath-and-Jeff-Strand-p-17711.html

Giant Crocs! Yeah!!!

So when I went to see Iron Man on Friday, I noticed a movie poster for Rogue. I'd never even heard of it, but it's...a giant crocodile movie!

And you know what? It's a darn good giant crocodile movie. Continuing the trend of "Great Horror Movies Barely Get A Release, While Crap Remakes Play On Thousands of Screens," Dimension put this one into a whopping 10 theatres in the United States. Most likely you'll never get a chance to see this in theatres (but, hey, at least Prom Night is still around) but if you do, it's genuinely suspenseful, beautifully shot, and a lot of fun.

Warning: Brain Damage Ahead!

I'm not in the habit of linking to YouTube videos on this blog...but here's a fan tribute (the fan being David Montoya of Magus Press) to Nick Cato and Novello Publishers, who did my chapbook Two Twisted Nuts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQNZHm5SjLA

Summer Movie Season Begins...

Honestly, in a summer that's going to bring us Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, nothing else really matters, but I'll say this: Iron Man rocked!

In an unrelated note, chocolate-covered pomegrantes are pretty good, too.

In an even more unrelated note, you should visit The Horror Mall and stock up like a madman/madwoman, especially because SUCKERS (featuring Andrew Mayhem) is almost about to start making its way to mailboxes around the world. Here's a helpful link:

https://www.horror-mall.com/Jeff-Strand-p-1-c-250.html