Haunted Forest Sample & Bloodletting Books!

It's entirely possible that some of you have not yet pre-ordered THE HAUNTED FOREST TOUR, my action-packed, laugh-packed, monster-packed, tour-packed collaboraton with James A. Moore. It's okay. We all make mistakes. What's important is that we learn from our mistakes, and fix them, and never, ever, ever repeat them, lest we drown in a coagulated kidney-shaped pool of shame.

If you've held off ordering because you're worried that the book might SUCK, be sure to read the excerpt at the bottom of the official Earthling Publications site. http://www.earthlingpub.com/jmjs_forest.htm It features lots of mayhem and destruction and stuff happening. You'd like it.

You can also pre-order from Bloodletting Books...which incidentally now carries the paperback editions of GRAVEROBBERS WANTED (NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY), SINGLE WHITE PSYCHOPATH SEEKS SAME, CASKET FOR SALE (ONLY USED ONCE) and MANDIBLES. Free shipping on all orders, even tiny little wee ones!

Get the paperbacks here: http://www.bloodlettingbooks.com/paperbacks.html

And THE HAUNTED FOREST TOUR here: http://www.bloodlettingbooks.com/hafotobyjaam.html

And DISPOSAL here: http://www.bloodlettingbooks.com/dinobyjestli.html

And PRESSURE here: http://www.bloodlettingbooks.com/prbyjeststrh.html

That's right, Bloodletting Books is your one-stop shopping place for all of my horror titles! They rock! Support the heck out of them!

Random Bits-o-Blogging

1. THE SIMPSONS MOVIE is no better and no worse than watching four episodes of the TV show in a row. Which makes it one of the funniest movies in a looooong time.

2. The preview for the ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS movie revolves around a poop joke. I have no problem with poop jokes in general. I do have a problem with poop jokes in ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS.

3. ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS stars Jason Lee. Jason Lee also provides the voice of Underdog in the upcoming UNDERDOG: WE'RE USING A REAL DOG WITH A CGI MOUTH movie. All of his good karma for appearing in Kevin Smith movies (except MALLRATS) has now been squandered.

4. My new laptop rocks. And Word 2007 has a running word count tally at the bottom, saving me the labor of clicking the "word count" icon after every sentence to see if I've finally made my quota.

5. Based on a passionate recommendation by Uncle Creepy, I bought Volume 1 of THE WALKING DEAD, a zombie comic book. It's been a couple of decades since I've followed the comic book world, but this was darn good, and I'm in the mood to rush right out and buy volumes 2 - 6.

6. But I refuse to use the term "graphic novel."

Creepy Podcast Stuff

This evening, Dread Central's Steve "Uncle Creepy" Barton came over to record me reading "The Bad Candy House" (from WAITING FOR OCTOBER) for an upcoming Dreadtime Stories podcast. It went very well, despite one screw-up where I momentarily lost my place and mixed up Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson. Somehow I think the literary world will forgive that particular glitch.

Unfortunately, the night ended in tragedy. We went out to dinner after the recording. Uncle Creepy was wearing a Vincent Price shirt. The food was good, the conversation was lively...and then the college-aged waitress looked at his shirt and asked "Who's Vincent Price?"

That pretty solidly ended Uncle Creepy's good cheer. He's probably still obsessing over it ("Who's Vincent Price? Who's Vincent Price? What the f***?!?") and will have many sleepless nights over the next few weeks.

Feel free to click on www.dreadcentral.com every few minutes until my podcast goes live.

Do the Bartman

So, I've got tickets to the 12:01 AM showing of THE SIMPSONS MOVIE tonight. Will it be a "Woo-hoo!" or a "D'oh!"? The trailers are surprisingly weak (except for "Spider Pig") but the show has stayed funny for 400+ episodes, so I'm optimistic.

Laptop Update (Spoiler Warning: It's Bad)

So, the hard drive on my ex-laptop is totally deceased, and the files are presumably unretrievable.

Therefore, my masterpiece novel, entitled THE MASTERPIECE, a 950-page epic that would have changed the way the world looks at Red Vines, will never be published.

Actually, the loss of fiction was insignificant, but I did lose all of my saved e-mail from the past few years. So if you sent me anything between November 1998 and May 2007, please resend. Thanks!

P.S.: If you got busy and forgot to pre-order your copy of THE HAUNTED FOREST TOUR, I'm repeating the links so that you don't have to frantically dig through the blog archives in a last minute panic.

http://www.earthlingpub.com/jmjs_forest.htm or http://www.bloodlettingbooks.com/hafotobyjaam.html

AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!

Turned on my computer this morning and got the Blue Screen of Death. The error message was so scary that I quickly turned it off and rebooted in hopes that it would magically go away. It did not.

I brought it to work and showed a co-worker who is wise in the ways of computers. "This is really bad, isn't it?"

"Uh, yeah."

So I'm not posting this from my own computer. As far as I can tell, my computer is history. It gave no signs that it was feeling sick, but I can only assume that I selfishly put my own needs first and missed the warning signs.

The "data backup" situation is annoying but not devastating, so I'm saying "Aw, man, this SUCKS!!!" instead of "Could somebody pass the shotgun now?" I may end up losing a ton of e-mails, but very little writing. Possibly none, if my co-worker is successful on his file retrieval mission.

In better news, THE HAUNTED FOREST TOUR is now available from Bloodletting Books, right here:

http://www.bloodlettingbooks.com/hafotobyjaam.html

The Haunted Forest Tour!

Every year, Earthling Publications (the miscreants responsible for such fine works as PRESSURE) publishes a new novel in their Halloween series. As the website says: "Each October, as the air turns colder and leaves fall off the trees, Earthling will release one novel of flat-out horror, usually featuring classic terrors such as monsters and haunted houses rather than psychological suspense or real-life horrors."

Halloween 2007, that novel is THE HAUNTED FOREST TOUR, by James A. Moore and...wait for it...Jeff Strand. Jim Moore (I get to call him "Jim," and so does anybody who orders this book, along with everybody who likes duckies) is the author of such acclaimed works as the SERENITY FALLS trilogy, FIREWORKS, and UNDER THE OVERTREE.

"Wow!" you're thinking. "I'd buy that in two shakes of a flea's tush, if only I could read the back cover copy!" Well, I wouldn't share this top-secret plot information with just anybody, but since you're a loyal blog reader...
______________________

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Haunted Forest Tour!

Sit back and enjoy a smooth ride in air-conditioned comfort as your heavily armored tram takes you through nature's most astonishing creation. The forest is packed to capacity with dangerous and terrifying creatures of all shapes, sizes, and hunger levels, and you'll get to observe these wonders in complete safety.

Howl with a werewolf! Gaze into the glowing eyes of a giant spider! Look right through a spooky ghost! See horrific monsters you couldn't even imagine, only inches away from you! Things with fangs, things with claws, things with dripping red jaws--you'll see them all!

Not thrilling enough? Well, it's Halloween, and so we're offering a very special tour through the Haunted Forest. The new route goes deeper into the woods than any civilians have ventured before, and you're guaranteed to get a good scare! Rest assured that every possible security precaution has been taken. The Haunted Forest Tour has a 100% safety record, and technical difficulties are unheard of. You will be in no danger whatsoever.

We promise.

Bram Stoker Award-nominated authors James A. Moore (BLOODSTAINED OZ) and Jeff Strand (PRESSURE) have teamed up for Book 3 in Earthling's Halloween Series. THE HAUNTED FOREST TOUR is an action-packed, monster-laden adventure that will make you laugh, scream, and think twice before going near ghastly oversized beasts that want to devour you.

_______________________

THE HAUNTED FOREST TOUR will be published as a 500-copy hardcover limited edition, and is available for pre-order now! The amazing cover art and interior illustrations are by Glenn Chadbourne. The previous Earthling Halloween titles are sold out, and we expect this one to go quickly, so don't dilly-dally, or this Halloween you'll get a smashed pumpkin or egged windows rather than a bag full of Hershey's bars that the neighbor lady bought too many of because she thought there'd be a bigger crowd this year.

Reserve your copy now (no prepayment required) at http://www.earthlingpub.com/jmjs_forest.htm


Look for it at your favorite online bookseller, such as http://www.bloodlettingbooks.com, very soon!

Necon!!!

It's almost Necon time! Here's my programming schedule, both on Friday, July 20th:

2:00 p.m. SO FUNNY I COULD SCREAM -- Humor and horror; best friends or mortal enemies?

Chet Williamson (moderator), Gahan Wilson, P.D. Cacek, Jeff Strand, Tina Jens, Hal Bodner.


3:00 p.m. HORROR IN THE FAMILY -- So BOTH of you write (or draw)? The ups and downs of two creative people in the same household.

Rick Hautala and Holly Newstein (moderators), Yvonne Navarro and Weston Ochse, Jeff Strand and Lynne Hansen, Elizabeth Massie and Cortney Skinner.


These are actually the first two panels of the convention, so I can quickly get them over with and move into the hardcore Full Throttle consumption.

Monsters! Monsters! Monsters! (Soon.)

Yeah, my blog has been silent for a while. The death of my grandfather last week prompted an 18-hour-each-way road trip, and the realization that the poem "Footprints in the Sand," even when read with great passion at a funeral, doesn't have quite the same impact when you already know the surprise ending (SPOILER WARNING!) where it turns out that the guy had misidentified the source of the footprints and was, in fact, being carried. I mean, it's certainly one of the classic twist endings, but when you know in advance how it all turns out, the guy seems like kind of a whiner, and the whole conversation between him and the Lord is just uncomfortable and socially awkward.

I may do a lightning round of quick blog spewings sometime this weekend, if only to comment on the fact that the latest batch of flamewars on the horror message boards were so deeply pathetic that I hereby retract my essay "Confessions of a Flamewar Junkie" from a while back.

Meanwhile...THE HAUNTED FOREST TOUR, my action-packed monster-laden novel co-written with the mighty James A. Moore (author of BLOOD RED, SERENITY FALLS, and BLOODSTAINED OZ, which he co-authored with Christopher Golden, who co-authored GHOSTS OF ALBION with Amber Benson, meaning that I've got three degrees of separation between myself and Willow's girlfriend. Woo-hoo!) will be going up for pre-order very, very soon. The cover is beyond awesome. Keep watching this space, kiddies!