torture...
we are Mumblecrust. for those of you unable to keep up with a simple blog, i'll remind you that we have kidnapped jeff strand and sabotaged the publication of his short story collection gleefully macabre tales.
he is still alive...barely. we grew weary of the physical torture and decided to embark upon some mental cruelty. "jeff," we said, "we're taking you to see hatchet."
oh, you should have seen his eyes light up! "it's playing here?" he asked. "really?"
"really."
we bound him with duct tape and carried him into the theatre. there would be no popcorn or cherry coke or raisinets for strand, but he was still thrilled to be seeing the movie at last. he grinned all through the trailers, and then the movie began.
rob zombie's halloween.
you should have heard him wail. for the halloween remake isn't bad in a "disappointing compared to the original" manner, it is bad in a "rob zombie was seeking vengeance against all horror movie fans who have wronged him" way. you have to assume that it's trying to be bad, because there's no way that rob zombie looked at the kid in the way-too-big mask, who looks like a bobblehead doll during supposedly scary scenes, and thought "yes indeedy, i am making a quality motion picture right here."
jeff remained defiant. after the movie's opening scene--an avalanche of trailer trash profanity--he said "at least it's terrible right from the start, so i'm not disappointed when it goes downhill." when the "love hurts" moment arrived, he was less defiant. by the end, he was begging for sweet, sweet mercy.
"you could at least have taken me to see frickin' underdog," he said.
heh heh heh heh heh heh
gleefully macabre tales is doomed, and jeff had to sit through the halloween remake. Mumblecrust will not be stopped. and, oh, things are only going to get worse. stay tuned...
he is still alive...barely. we grew weary of the physical torture and decided to embark upon some mental cruelty. "jeff," we said, "we're taking you to see hatchet."
oh, you should have seen his eyes light up! "it's playing here?" he asked. "really?"
"really."
we bound him with duct tape and carried him into the theatre. there would be no popcorn or cherry coke or raisinets for strand, but he was still thrilled to be seeing the movie at last. he grinned all through the trailers, and then the movie began.
rob zombie's halloween.
you should have heard him wail. for the halloween remake isn't bad in a "disappointing compared to the original" manner, it is bad in a "rob zombie was seeking vengeance against all horror movie fans who have wronged him" way. you have to assume that it's trying to be bad, because there's no way that rob zombie looked at the kid in the way-too-big mask, who looks like a bobblehead doll during supposedly scary scenes, and thought "yes indeedy, i am making a quality motion picture right here."
jeff remained defiant. after the movie's opening scene--an avalanche of trailer trash profanity--he said "at least it's terrible right from the start, so i'm not disappointed when it goes downhill." when the "love hurts" moment arrived, he was less defiant. by the end, he was begging for sweet, sweet mercy.
"you could at least have taken me to see frickin' underdog," he said.
heh heh heh heh heh heh
gleefully macabre tales is doomed, and jeff had to sit through the halloween remake. Mumblecrust will not be stopped. and, oh, things are only going to get worse. stay tuned...
posted by Jeff Strand at 7:13 AM
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