The Final Showdown!!!
JEFF: This is the moment of truth! If I hurry, I can catch Tiberius and save Gleefully Macabre Tales once and for all!
[His cell phone rings.]
JEFF: Hugo's Post-Homicide Clean-Up. You pop 'em, we mop 'em.
SHANE: Hey, Jeff, it's Shane Ryan Staley of Delirium Books. Know how you were having all those problems with Mumblecrust and stuff? Well, I was cleaning out my car, and I found an extra copy of Gleefully Macabre Tales wedged under the back seat. So we're good to go.
JEFF: Really? That's cool. And yet oddly anticlimactic.
SHANE: Eh, I think the whole Mumblecrust thing has run its course. Your blog readers will be happy that it's all over.
JEFF: Yeah, I guess so. Thanks for the update.
SHANE: No prob. Later gator!
[Jeff hangs up.]
JEFF: Hmmm. All's well that ends well, I guess.
[The phone rings again.]
SHANE: Jeff? Shane again. I forgot to tell you--that Tiberius guy called a couple of minutes ago, something about a mini-nuke that's going to wipe out the city. He was kind of vague, but I think you have exactly twenty-four hours.
JEFF: Thank you.
[Jeff hangs up.]
JEFF: So, Mumblecrust has gotten in one last act of evil. Though Gleefully Macabre Tales has been saved, the city has not! I must stop Tiberius in twenty-four hours!
24:00...
[The phone rings again.]
SHANE: Jeff? Shane. I meant twenty-four minutes.
00:24...
JEFF: I can still stop him! I must find a vehicle. This Volkswagen here has the keys in the ignition, but it's not exactly a "save the city" kind of car, is it? I've got time to look around for something better.
00:07...
JEFF: Okay, I'll take the Volkswagen.
[He leaps into the Volkswagen, starts the engine, and speeds off after Tiberius.]
TIBERIUS: Man, the red lights in this city take freakin' forever.
[He sees Jeff in the rear-view mirror.]
TIBERIUS: Fudge!
[He speeds through the red light, with Jeff in hot pursuit.]
00:06...
JEFF: Oh my God! He's headed right for those kittens!!!
TIBERIUS: Hahahahaha! I'm headed right for those kittens!!!
[He smashes into the kittens. Tiberius is thrown through the front windshield and bashes against a brick wall.]
TIBERIUS: Those are some sturdy kittens.
[The kittens attack! Tiberius shrieks in pain as their tiny little claws rip his flesh apart.]
TIBERIUS: Honey kitties! Honey kitties!
JEFF: Give me the mini-nuke, Tiberius.
TIBERIUS: I don't have it on me. Duh. It's back at my lab.
JEFF: Dammit!
00:05...
[Jeff returns to the lab.]
JEFF: But where? Where?
00:04...
[Jeff returns to the brick wall.]
JEFF: But where? Where?
TIBERIUS: Mmmmfff rrrrrffffff.
JEFF: Spit that kitten out.
[Tiberius gestures frantically. Jeff plucks the kitten from his mouth.]
TIBERIUS: I didn't put it there on purpose!
JEFF: Where in your lab is the mini-nuke?
TIBERUS: On my desk. Next to the kim chee.
JEFF: What's kim chee?
TIBERIUS: Fermented cabbage from Korea.
JEFF: Why is there kim chee on your desk?
TIBERIUS: It's good.
00:03
JEFF: There's the fermented cabbage...but how do I know it's from Korea? Damn!
00:02
JEFF: Tiberius, how can I be sure that it's genuine kim chee?
TIBERIUS:
JEFF: The kittens killed him! Which in a way is good because his blood stains their paws and not my hands, so I get a free pass on this one, conscience-wise, but how will I stop the nuke in time?
00:01
JEFF: There it is! But where's the off switch? Where could it be? Where in the world could it--oh, wait, there it is.
[He pushes the "off" button.]
COMPUTER-GENERATED VOICE: Please enter the deactivation password.
JEFF: [Very, very loud expletive deleted]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To be concluded...
Psst....want an unfair advantage to be sure that you get your copy of Gleefully Macabre Tales while the other slackers miss out? Click here to find out exactly when it goes on sale:
http://www.deliriumbooks.com/insider/?p=350
[His cell phone rings.]
JEFF: Hugo's Post-Homicide Clean-Up. You pop 'em, we mop 'em.
SHANE: Hey, Jeff, it's Shane Ryan Staley of Delirium Books. Know how you were having all those problems with Mumblecrust and stuff? Well, I was cleaning out my car, and I found an extra copy of Gleefully Macabre Tales wedged under the back seat. So we're good to go.
JEFF: Really? That's cool. And yet oddly anticlimactic.
SHANE: Eh, I think the whole Mumblecrust thing has run its course. Your blog readers will be happy that it's all over.
JEFF: Yeah, I guess so. Thanks for the update.
SHANE: No prob. Later gator!
[Jeff hangs up.]
JEFF: Hmmm. All's well that ends well, I guess.
[The phone rings again.]
SHANE: Jeff? Shane again. I forgot to tell you--that Tiberius guy called a couple of minutes ago, something about a mini-nuke that's going to wipe out the city. He was kind of vague, but I think you have exactly twenty-four hours.
JEFF: Thank you.
[Jeff hangs up.]
JEFF: So, Mumblecrust has gotten in one last act of evil. Though Gleefully Macabre Tales has been saved, the city has not! I must stop Tiberius in twenty-four hours!
24:00...
[The phone rings again.]
SHANE: Jeff? Shane. I meant twenty-four minutes.
00:24...
JEFF: I can still stop him! I must find a vehicle. This Volkswagen here has the keys in the ignition, but it's not exactly a "save the city" kind of car, is it? I've got time to look around for something better.
00:07...
JEFF: Okay, I'll take the Volkswagen.
[He leaps into the Volkswagen, starts the engine, and speeds off after Tiberius.]
TIBERIUS: Man, the red lights in this city take freakin' forever.
[He sees Jeff in the rear-view mirror.]
TIBERIUS: Fudge!
[He speeds through the red light, with Jeff in hot pursuit.]
00:06...
JEFF: Oh my God! He's headed right for those kittens!!!
TIBERIUS: Hahahahaha! I'm headed right for those kittens!!!
[He smashes into the kittens. Tiberius is thrown through the front windshield and bashes against a brick wall.]
TIBERIUS: Those are some sturdy kittens.
[The kittens attack! Tiberius shrieks in pain as their tiny little claws rip his flesh apart.]
TIBERIUS: Honey kitties! Honey kitties!
JEFF: Give me the mini-nuke, Tiberius.
TIBERIUS: I don't have it on me. Duh. It's back at my lab.
JEFF: Dammit!
00:05...
[Jeff returns to the lab.]
JEFF: But where? Where?
00:04...
[Jeff returns to the brick wall.]
JEFF: But where? Where?
TIBERIUS: Mmmmfff rrrrrffffff.
JEFF: Spit that kitten out.
[Tiberius gestures frantically. Jeff plucks the kitten from his mouth.]
TIBERIUS: I didn't put it there on purpose!
JEFF: Where in your lab is the mini-nuke?
TIBERUS: On my desk. Next to the kim chee.
JEFF: What's kim chee?
TIBERIUS: Fermented cabbage from Korea.
JEFF: Why is there kim chee on your desk?
TIBERIUS: It's good.
00:03
JEFF: There's the fermented cabbage...but how do I know it's from Korea? Damn!
00:02
JEFF: Tiberius, how can I be sure that it's genuine kim chee?
TIBERIUS:
JEFF: The kittens killed him! Which in a way is good because his blood stains their paws and not my hands, so I get a free pass on this one, conscience-wise, but how will I stop the nuke in time?
00:01
JEFF: There it is! But where's the off switch? Where could it be? Where in the world could it--oh, wait, there it is.
[He pushes the "off" button.]
COMPUTER-GENERATED VOICE: Please enter the deactivation password.
JEFF: [Very, very loud expletive deleted]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To be concluded...
Psst....want an unfair advantage to be sure that you get your copy of Gleefully Macabre Tales while the other slackers miss out? Click here to find out exactly when it goes on sale:
http://www.deliriumbooks.com/insider/?p=350
posted by Jeff Strand at 5:19 PM
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