Turkey Week Recap
So, I'm back from Tucson. (I type this with some measure of optimism, because as I write this I'm actually flying over Texas.) Loyal readers of this blog will know that I had a run of over 10 years with a delay on every single flight I ever took, but then the curse vanished for a few months, and then it returned with a devastating vengeance. It seems to be gone again. We'll see what happens when I fly to Oregon in March.
The first full day there we went to Old Tucson Studios, which is where a huge number of movies have been filmed, although for some reason they seem especially proud of THREE AMIGOS. In Florida, a couple of the theme parks have Old West-style shoot 'em up stunt shows, but the shows at Old Tucson Studios are slightly different in that they have splattering blood and depressing endings where just about everybody is dead. You don't see a lot of "wallowing in misery as you cradle your best friend's bloody corpse" moments at Disney.
Everybody at Old Tucson Studios seems to love their job, from the tour guide to the noisy old guy in the haunted mine to the lady who sold my wife ice cream that was the scariest shade of blue I've ever seen. And the drive there is like a roller coaster, so you get a free ride out of it. Highly recommended.
That night we went to a dinner show, which was a take-off on A CHRISTMAS CAROL. If I'm not mistaken, this flipped the odometer of A CHRISTMAS CAROL take-offs from 9999999 to 0000000 so we have to start counting again.
The next day we went to Tombstone and saw a reenactment of the gunfight at the O.K. Corral, which was historically accurate except with worse dialogue. Then we went to Boot Hill and exhumed a guy who'd been hanged by mistake. Some tourists got upset and the Tombstone police showed up and asked us to stop prying open the coffin, but I gave them each a signed copy of GRAVEROBBERS WANTED (NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY) and they cheerfully helped us dig up the next one. We staged a mock gunfight with the bodies, and I used one of the jawbones to kill a rattler at fifty feet. It was fun.
(Okay, okay...that's what we WOULD have done if SOMEBODY hadn't forgotten the shovel and crowbar, not that I'm naming names.)
For dinner we went to a steak house where the only rule is "No Ties." (Actually, I suspect that they do have other rules, such as "No Arson," but "No Ties" is the only one they promote.) If you wear a tie, they'll cut it right off, and the dismembered remains of hundreds of ties dangle from the ceiling as a warning to other neck adornments. We did get to witness the severing of a few ties, but they were people wearing t-shirts who had purposely wore ties just for the giddy thrill of having them lopped off. The steak rocked.
The next day the womenfolk wanted to go to a spa to get massages, facials, manicures, and pedicures. They tried to convince my brother-in-law and me to go. There was much insistence that men regularly go and have their toenails filed and polished. I'm sure they do. Good for them. I hope they run their fingers lovingly over their toenails and wiggle in glee. My brother-in-law and I, however, weren't going to get any f***ing pedicures, and the whole spa plan collapsed.
My sister got me the Thanksgiving collection of Jones Soda, which is actual soda in Thanksgiving-themed flavors; namely, Dinner Roll, Sweet Potato, Pea, Antacid, and, yes, Turkey and Gravy. You can probably surmise that these were not exactly the finest flavors of soda humankind has ever tasted, but if you take nothing else from this blog, please heed this warning: Do NOT drink turkey and gravy-flavored Jones Soda. Just don't.
However, much real turkey was consumed.
We also went to a wine tasting, but that gets its own separate blog...
The first full day there we went to Old Tucson Studios, which is where a huge number of movies have been filmed, although for some reason they seem especially proud of THREE AMIGOS. In Florida, a couple of the theme parks have Old West-style shoot 'em up stunt shows, but the shows at Old Tucson Studios are slightly different in that they have splattering blood and depressing endings where just about everybody is dead. You don't see a lot of "wallowing in misery as you cradle your best friend's bloody corpse" moments at Disney.
Everybody at Old Tucson Studios seems to love their job, from the tour guide to the noisy old guy in the haunted mine to the lady who sold my wife ice cream that was the scariest shade of blue I've ever seen. And the drive there is like a roller coaster, so you get a free ride out of it. Highly recommended.
That night we went to a dinner show, which was a take-off on A CHRISTMAS CAROL. If I'm not mistaken, this flipped the odometer of A CHRISTMAS CAROL take-offs from 9999999 to 0000000 so we have to start counting again.
The next day we went to Tombstone and saw a reenactment of the gunfight at the O.K. Corral, which was historically accurate except with worse dialogue. Then we went to Boot Hill and exhumed a guy who'd been hanged by mistake. Some tourists got upset and the Tombstone police showed up and asked us to stop prying open the coffin, but I gave them each a signed copy of GRAVEROBBERS WANTED (NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY) and they cheerfully helped us dig up the next one. We staged a mock gunfight with the bodies, and I used one of the jawbones to kill a rattler at fifty feet. It was fun.
(Okay, okay...that's what we WOULD have done if SOMEBODY hadn't forgotten the shovel and crowbar, not that I'm naming names.)
For dinner we went to a steak house where the only rule is "No Ties." (Actually, I suspect that they do have other rules, such as "No Arson," but "No Ties" is the only one they promote.) If you wear a tie, they'll cut it right off, and the dismembered remains of hundreds of ties dangle from the ceiling as a warning to other neck adornments. We did get to witness the severing of a few ties, but they were people wearing t-shirts who had purposely wore ties just for the giddy thrill of having them lopped off. The steak rocked.
The next day the womenfolk wanted to go to a spa to get massages, facials, manicures, and pedicures. They tried to convince my brother-in-law and me to go. There was much insistence that men regularly go and have their toenails filed and polished. I'm sure they do. Good for them. I hope they run their fingers lovingly over their toenails and wiggle in glee. My brother-in-law and I, however, weren't going to get any f***ing pedicures, and the whole spa plan collapsed.
My sister got me the Thanksgiving collection of Jones Soda, which is actual soda in Thanksgiving-themed flavors; namely, Dinner Roll, Sweet Potato, Pea, Antacid, and, yes, Turkey and Gravy. You can probably surmise that these were not exactly the finest flavors of soda humankind has ever tasted, but if you take nothing else from this blog, please heed this warning: Do NOT drink turkey and gravy-flavored Jones Soda. Just don't.
However, much real turkey was consumed.
We also went to a wine tasting, but that gets its own separate blog...
posted by Jeff Strand at 9:21 AM
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