Survivor: Total Geek Post (Part One)

WARNING: This post rates the various twists Survivor has thrown into the game over the seasons. It obviously contains mega-mega spoilers for those of you who might be planning to watch prior seasons on DVD. And it's way too nerdy for most readers. Beware.

I'll start with season two, since that's obviously when they started changing the game. Ratings are on a scale of 1 to 5, 5 being best.

AUSTRALIA: Actually, this game pretty much played it straight. The only "twist" was that after the merge, the players had to build a whole new camp instead of moving everybody to one of the already established ones. But they were pretty upset about it, which was fun to watch. Rating: 2

AFRICA: They happen all the time now, but the first team swap was a huge shocker. (My quote when they hinted at it in the preview: "They'd NEVER do that! It would be unfair!") And it was unfair...and it continues to be unfair as many a good players has gotten screwed over by ending up stranded from his or her alliance...but it does keep the game interesting. Rating: 3

MARQUESAS: In theory, this season had a big twist: The players were given no food!!! But Marquesas had plentiful dining opportunities, and the players actually ate better than previous contestants. Rating: 2

THAILAND: We were promised that "the game would start in a completely different way that would change the entire game!" This turned out to be...the players picked their own teams. Lame. Rating: 1

Thailand also had the voluntary team swap. But nobody took Jeff Probst up on the offer, even the ones who wanted to switch. This one earns an extra point just for Jeff Probst's pained smile when he said "Good, everybody's happy then." Rating: 2

But midway through, we were treated to the Phony Merge. The players were told that they were now two tribes living on the same island, but nobody took that literally, and Shii-Ann proceded to jump ship and ditch her "former" teammates. Of course, she then discovered that they were still her teammates, and quickly went bye-bye when they lost the challenge. The worst season of Survivor overall, but one of the greatest moments. Rating: 5

AMAZON: The teams were divided into Men vs. Women! Lots of fun followed. Rating: 4

Each team also had a mysterious black box that they weren't allowed to open. When they finally were allowed to do so, it basically just said "Okay, you started out as Men vs. Women, then the tribes swapped some players, and now you're going to merge." The point seemed to be to prove that the producers planned things out beforehand. Rating: 2

PEARL ISLANDS: The players thought they were on their way to a pre-game photo shoot...but nope, game on, and they started the game in their civilian clothes. Heh heh. Rating: 3

The players also started in a Panama village, where they were given some money to buy supplies. However, one team had (ultimate winner) Sandra, who spoke Spanish and thus gave her team a HUGE advantage. Mucho unfair. Rating: 2

And, of course, the most infamous twist in Survivor history: The Outcasts. The first six players voted out, who'd been relaxing in a hotel for up to 18 days, competed in a purely physical challenge against the remaining players. Of course they won, and two of them got to return to the game. And they proceeded to win almost all of the individual challenges. And Lil--whose pouty face we were HAPPY to see get voted out third, made it all the way to the Final Two. It was an interesting twist for sure, but way too much of a switch from the core rules. Rating: 1

VANUATU: Men vs. Women again, to much lesser effect. The opening, where the men participated in a native ritual while the women sat off on the sidelines, was too blatant of an attempt to generate conflict. Rating: 2

ALL-STARS: Instead of two teams of eight, we started with three teams of six! Not that big of a deal, except that it gave obvious targets (i.e., previous winners) even less chance to defend themselves. Rating: 2

Instead of a merge, there was a late team swap. On its own, this was a pretty mild twist...but the teams stayed the same, except for Amber switching to the other side. With the Rob/Amber power duo broken up, with the despised Jerri promising total devotion to Lex and thus giving him the ultimate Final Two opponent, and with Amber completely unable to defend herself, Lex decided to...vote out Jerri, in the hopes that Rob (who we'd seen from Marquesas was a shameless liar) would be grateful. It was the single stupidest move in the entire history of the game, Rob cheerfully screwed Lex over, and Lex acted like a big whiny baby about it. Rating: 4

To be continued...