Has Jeff Lost His Freakin' MIND?!?
That's what you'll scream when I tell you about this unbelievably exciting sale! Your eyes will drop right out of their sockets and onto your keyboard, striking the D and K keys, as you gape in shocked astonishment at the words I'm about to type!
Because between now and April 30th, 2007, I'm offering "Employee Pricing!!!" on signed paperback editions of my three non-horror novels: HOW TO RESCUE A DEAD PRINCESS, OUT OF WHACK, and ELROD McBUGLE ON THE LOOSE! That's right--YOU pay what =I= pay to get copies of these outstanding books!
It's madness! Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaadness!!!
You can get HOW TO RESCUE A DEAD PRINCESS, the ultimate fantasy spoof, for the jaw-droppingly low price of $7.20! You can immerse yourself in the whacked-out comedy of OUT OF WHACK for the gasp-inducing low price of $7.77! And you can pound your head against ELROD McBUGLE ON THE LOOSE (a comedy for kids, and adults who were warped as kids) for the oh-no-he-didn't price of--my fingers are shaking as I type it--$5.40!
And if you order all three, shipping is FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE!!! That's three books for $20.37...two-fifths the price of THE SINISTER MR. CORPSE!
"Don't do it!" I can hear you bellow. "You're actually LOSING money in that scenario, you crazy fool! You must be stopped before you become a menace to yourself!"
Ha! You'll never stop me from offering this sensational deal! I'm so confident that you'll read these books and tell your friends how amazingly swell they are, that I'm willing to rip money out of my own pocket to mail them to you! It's insane! Insaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane!!!
IMPORTANT WARNING FOR PARENTS:
ELROD McBUGLE ON THE LOOSE contains lots of twisted humor, but is suitable for the kiddies. (Some comedic violence, and a jokey-scary scene at the end.)
HOW TO RESCUE A DEAD PRINCESS contains lots of twisted humor, and is suitable for the older kiddies. (If it were a movie, it would be a mild PG-13.)
OUT OF WHACK contains lots of twisted humor, and is inappropriate for the kiddies and many adults.
Learn more about each book here:
HOW TO RESCUE A DEAD PRINCESS
http://members.aol.com/jeffstrand/deadprincess.htm
OUT OF WHACK
http://members.aol.com/jeffstrand/out_of_whack.htm
ELROD McBUGLE ON THE LOOSE
http://members.aol.com/jeffstrand/elrodmcbugle.htm
Q: Can I do my holiday shopping early and buy more than one copy of each title?
A: Yes. Order dozens! Order thousands! I won't be able to get out of my strait-jacket to stop you!
Q: If I order three copies of, say, ELROD McBUGLE ON THE LOOSE, does that qualify me for the free shipping?
A: By golly, it sure does!
To order via PayPal: Send the loot to JeffStrand@aol.com. Be sure to add a comment indicating which books you want (you don't have to be fancy: ELROD, PRINCESS, WHACK, or COMBO is fine) and your mailing address. If you're ordering 1 or 2, add $2 total (not per book) for Media Mail shipping and the padded envelope to match my padded cell.
To order with a good old fashioned check, e-mail me at JeffStrand@aol.com for instructions.
Those wacky prices (it's like YOU wrote the books and are ordering some spare author copies!) again:
HOW TO RESCUE A DEAD PRINCESS: $7.20
OUT OF WHACK: $7.77
ELROD McBUGLE ON THE LOOSE: $5.40
COMBO PACK: $20.37
All books will be signed. If you want them personalized, also add a comment saying "Inscribe to _______." If you don't want them signed, say "Keep your hands off my book, punk."
REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: To make this gargantuan "Employee Pricing!!!" offer, we're ADDING a middle-man: Me. I'm not the publisher. I'm ordering them FROM the publisher at my super-awesome discount after the sale has ended. At the beginning of May, the books will ship to me, and then I'll scrawl my name on them and ship them to you. So if you want them NOW, order directly from the publisher, or from Amazon, or, y'know, wherever.
This deal is so incredible that I almost can't bring myself to click "Send." What have I done????
Because between now and April 30th, 2007, I'm offering "Employee Pricing!!!" on signed paperback editions of my three non-horror novels: HOW TO RESCUE A DEAD PRINCESS, OUT OF WHACK, and ELROD McBUGLE ON THE LOOSE! That's right--YOU pay what =I= pay to get copies of these outstanding books!
It's madness! Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaadness!!!
You can get HOW TO RESCUE A DEAD PRINCESS, the ultimate fantasy spoof, for the jaw-droppingly low price of $7.20! You can immerse yourself in the whacked-out comedy of OUT OF WHACK for the gasp-inducing low price of $7.77! And you can pound your head against ELROD McBUGLE ON THE LOOSE (a comedy for kids, and adults who were warped as kids) for the oh-no-he-didn't price of--my fingers are shaking as I type it--$5.40!
And if you order all three, shipping is FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE!!! That's three books for $20.37...two-fifths the price of THE SINISTER MR. CORPSE!
"Don't do it!" I can hear you bellow. "You're actually LOSING money in that scenario, you crazy fool! You must be stopped before you become a menace to yourself!"
Ha! You'll never stop me from offering this sensational deal! I'm so confident that you'll read these books and tell your friends how amazingly swell they are, that I'm willing to rip money out of my own pocket to mail them to you! It's insane! Insaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane!!!
IMPORTANT WARNING FOR PARENTS:
ELROD McBUGLE ON THE LOOSE contains lots of twisted humor, but is suitable for the kiddies. (Some comedic violence, and a jokey-scary scene at the end.)
HOW TO RESCUE A DEAD PRINCESS contains lots of twisted humor, and is suitable for the older kiddies. (If it were a movie, it would be a mild PG-13.)
OUT OF WHACK contains lots of twisted humor, and is inappropriate for the kiddies and many adults.
Learn more about each book here:
HOW TO RESCUE A DEAD PRINCESS
http://members.aol.com/jeffstrand/deadprincess.htm
OUT OF WHACK
http://members.aol.com/jeffstrand/out_of_whack.htm
ELROD McBUGLE ON THE LOOSE
http://members.aol.com/jeffstrand/elrodmcbugle.htm
Q: Can I do my holiday shopping early and buy more than one copy of each title?
A: Yes. Order dozens! Order thousands! I won't be able to get out of my strait-jacket to stop you!
Q: If I order three copies of, say, ELROD McBUGLE ON THE LOOSE, does that qualify me for the free shipping?
A: By golly, it sure does!
To order via PayPal: Send the loot to JeffStrand@aol.com. Be sure to add a comment indicating which books you want (you don't have to be fancy: ELROD, PRINCESS, WHACK, or COMBO is fine) and your mailing address. If you're ordering 1 or 2, add $2 total (not per book) for Media Mail shipping and the padded envelope to match my padded cell.
To order with a good old fashioned check, e-mail me at JeffStrand@aol.com for instructions.
Those wacky prices (it's like YOU wrote the books and are ordering some spare author copies!) again:
HOW TO RESCUE A DEAD PRINCESS: $7.20
OUT OF WHACK: $7.77
ELROD McBUGLE ON THE LOOSE: $5.40
COMBO PACK: $20.37
All books will be signed. If you want them personalized, also add a comment saying "Inscribe to _______." If you don't want them signed, say "Keep your hands off my book, punk."
REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: To make this gargantuan "Employee Pricing!!!" offer, we're ADDING a middle-man: Me. I'm not the publisher. I'm ordering them FROM the publisher at my super-awesome discount after the sale has ended. At the beginning of May, the books will ship to me, and then I'll scrawl my name on them and ship them to you. So if you want them NOW, order directly from the publisher, or from Amazon, or, y'know, wherever.
This deal is so incredible that I almost can't bring myself to click "Send." What have I done????
posted by Jeff Strand at 5:00 PM
1 Comments:
DK
Insane, I say!
Post a Comment
<< Home