Saturday, August 25, 2007

Fan Films: Jason vs. My DVD Player

So my wife was at a comic book convention with her brother, and called me to say that they had a great selection of DVDs, and did I want her to look for anything in particular? I'd just read an article in Rue Morgue about HALLOWEEN fan films, so I asked her to pick up some horror fan films if they had any.

She brought home JASON VS. LEATHERFACE, MICHEAL VS. JASON (that's how they spell it on the DVD cover), and THE SHAPE TRILOGY.

JASON VS. LEATHERFACE opens right where FREDDY VS. JASON left off. Jason walks into a cabin, and then Pamela Voorhees begins to speak to him, using shots of Mrs. Voorhees from the original FRIDAY THE 13TH with new dialogue dubbed over. She tells him that he needs to go to Texas to help Leatherface...even if he has to kill him! I would hope that she'd at least let Jason take a freakin' nap after all he went through fighting Freddy, but no, he's off to Texas, where...the DVD stopped working! Chainsaw vs. machete mayhem...DENIED!!!

MICHAEL VS. JASON (the movie itself spells it right) opens with some footage from HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION, and then we find out that pretty much all of the survivors from all of the FRIDAY THE 13TH and HALLOWEEN movies died. We see a bunch of newspaper clippings of them, and then a big spray of blood fills the screen. They ain't comin' back.

We cut to a guy in a truck who is probably delivering crucial exposition, though I was too distracted by the fact that he's obviously reading from a script on his lap. He encounters the dreaded Michael Myers, shoots him in the chest a few times (sparks fly with each bullet hit) but then gets stabbed a few times for his trouble. Then we cut to a dream sequence involving the "burlap sack over his head" Jason from FRIDAY THE 13TH, PART II, followed by the classic hockey-mask wearing Jason who stabs the absolute living crap out of a girl in a bad wig until...the DVD stopped working! Dammit!!!

So I switched to the first volume of THE SHAPE TRILOGY. This one starts with the camera slowly zooming in on a jack-o-lantern, as per HALLOWEEN I and II. Bonus points there. When I went to see HALLOWEEN 4 (they switched to Arabic instead of Roman numerals with the fourth installment because they thought audiences were too dumb to figure out what IV meant, even though FRIDAY THE 13TH fans could count to VIII) I was really annoyed that the movie didn't open with the HALLOWEEN theme and a slow zoom on a jack-o-lantern.

The jack-o-lantern splits open, revealing a Michael Myers mask. Cool. Then...the DVD stopped working! Denied THRICE!!!

I want my copyright infringement!

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