Pre-Show Entertainment!!!
[This portion of the blog edited out because I'm a calendar-impaired idiot.]
So, the "pre-show entertainment" (commercials) at our theatres used to have a very funny ad. A guy is sitting in his living room, leaving a tearful message on his girlfriend's answering machine. Sidney Pollack walks in and starts complaining: the lighting is wrong, the guy should be pacing instead of sitting, etc. The guy gives him a "Who are you and why are you in my house?" look. Sidney Pollack sarcastically says "Oh, I'm sorry. Is my directing interfering with your phone call?" Then we're told to please silence our cell phones before the movie.
The new version of this ad features Forrest Whitaker, who is giving an inspirational speech to a huge crowd. One woman closes her eyes in pure bliss, as his words seep over her like warm honey over a fresh strawberry. Her cell phone rings. She quickly shuts it off, and without missing a beat, returns to her expression of pure ecstasy at the beauty of Forrest's words. The camera dramatically pans back as we are told to please silence our cell phones before the movie.
Look, if you're gonna sell the "turn off your cell phones" message, there have to be CONSEQUENCES. She can't just have a split-second of inconvenience and then go right back to her take-me-now-Forrest expression.
He needs to stop the speech. "Whose phone was that? Who the [bleep] interrupted my [bleeping] speech with their phone???" A dozen people point to her. "Get out!" Forrest screams. "Get the [bleep] out of here!" The woman tearfully pushes her way through the angry crowd. She's lucky to escape with her life. Cut to the same woman miserably listening to an inspirational speech by Rob Schneider.
Or even this:
FORREST: You have the power to change things! Be all that you can be! A penny saved is a penny earned! All of you, join together and--
[A cell phone goes off, disrupting Forrest's train of thought.]
FORREST: --s**t!
[People in the audience look at each other, shrug, and follow his instructions.]
FORREST: No! Oh, God, no! People, please, that's not what I meant! Noooooooooo!!!!
THAT would make me shut off my cell phone before the movie. As it is, I think I'm going to find a really obnoxious ringtone and sell my number to a bunch of telemarketers.
So, the "pre-show entertainment" (commercials) at our theatres used to have a very funny ad. A guy is sitting in his living room, leaving a tearful message on his girlfriend's answering machine. Sidney Pollack walks in and starts complaining: the lighting is wrong, the guy should be pacing instead of sitting, etc. The guy gives him a "Who are you and why are you in my house?" look. Sidney Pollack sarcastically says "Oh, I'm sorry. Is my directing interfering with your phone call?" Then we're told to please silence our cell phones before the movie.
The new version of this ad features Forrest Whitaker, who is giving an inspirational speech to a huge crowd. One woman closes her eyes in pure bliss, as his words seep over her like warm honey over a fresh strawberry. Her cell phone rings. She quickly shuts it off, and without missing a beat, returns to her expression of pure ecstasy at the beauty of Forrest's words. The camera dramatically pans back as we are told to please silence our cell phones before the movie.
Look, if you're gonna sell the "turn off your cell phones" message, there have to be CONSEQUENCES. She can't just have a split-second of inconvenience and then go right back to her take-me-now-Forrest expression.
He needs to stop the speech. "Whose phone was that? Who the [bleep] interrupted my [bleeping] speech with their phone???" A dozen people point to her. "Get out!" Forrest screams. "Get the [bleep] out of here!" The woman tearfully pushes her way through the angry crowd. She's lucky to escape with her life. Cut to the same woman miserably listening to an inspirational speech by Rob Schneider.
Or even this:
FORREST: You have the power to change things! Be all that you can be! A penny saved is a penny earned! All of you, join together and--
[A cell phone goes off, disrupting Forrest's train of thought.]
FORREST: --s**t!
[People in the audience look at each other, shrug, and follow his instructions.]
FORREST: No! Oh, God, no! People, please, that's not what I meant! Noooooooooo!!!!
THAT would make me shut off my cell phone before the movie. As it is, I think I'm going to find a really obnoxious ringtone and sell my number to a bunch of telemarketers.
posted by Jeff Strand at 9:28 AM
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